This week in Bachelor Nation has exhausted me to no end.
From the onset of Matt James’ season of The Bachelor, it has been heralded as historic by everyone involved in any level of decision making, and yet despite all of the promises of diverse storytelling, petitions, and casting choices, nothing has changed on the screen, during the podcast episodes, or in the commentary found in fan spaces.
New “historic” Bachelor, same show.
This post is my attempt to air my grievances. If that makes me an angry Black woman, then so be it. As Solange once said, “I got a lot to be mad about”.
Kaitlyn Bristowe, Chelsea May Accept Your Apology, But I’m NOT There Yet
Few things have made me as heated as the scandal surrounding Kaitlyn Bristowe using Chelsea’s story of her hair journey to sell hair growth vitamins. I’m saying this as someone who has supported Kaitlyn in numerous ways in the past. Here are a few reasons why her apology doesn’t sit right with me. First, here’s the video, in case you missed it.
She educated herself by watching a video that lasted for nine minutes.
I am so glad that Kaitlyn learned everything about Black hair being policed in white spaces through an eight minute video. Good for her. Obviously I’m being sarcastic, but to see her education take place in the span of an Instagram story is diminishing at best and problematic at worst.
She repeatedly tagged Chelsea in each of her posts.
So now, whether she wants to or not, Kaitlyn put Chelsea in the position of being forced to accept her apology, which according to her video, she issued before reaching out privately. Kaitlyn also gave Chelsea a timestamp, and now she has to immediately respond because she tagged her and forced her hand. There would’ve been more outrage if Chelsea chose not to accept the apology than what Kaitlyn herself had to face.
Her “education” post felt performative and centered on her feelings.
Kaitlyn’s apology is focused on her feelings more than anything else. It was about her hurt, embarrassment, and humiliation, more than taking responsibility for literally attempting to profit off a Black woman whose social media accounts do not have nearly as much influence as hers. I’m not here to question the sincerity of her words, but she clearly centralizes her feelings above Chelsea’s. She also seems to want credit for taking responsibility which makes me question the motivation behind her actions. She even liked this self-congratulatory tweet.
She brings up other diversity issues instead of leaving the focus on Black women.
It’s like she can’t even use a two minute story to fully focus on Black women. Size diversity is a problem, but that’s not what the current issue is here, Kaitlyn. Stay focused on the topic at hand.
She apologized on her Instagram story.
So yeah, this will disappear in twenty-fours, and everyone will forget it happened.
Media Outlets followed her lead, and either barely covered the story or centered it on Kaitlyn.
I mean, I don’t even really have to say anymore. Just look at this post.
Thank you for your apology, Kaitlyn. I guess there’s no great way to apologize for this type of behavior. Hannah Brown waited too long, and Kaitlyn did all of her listening and learning in less than twenty-four hours. I will concede that they are both trying, but as a fan of them both and the show, I felt compelled to dissect why aspects of this apology were problematic.
My biggest disappointment is at their “big” age, they’re still just listening and learning. It is better than not doing the work at all, but it honestly simultaneously angers and upsets me that situations like this are commonplace in Bachelor Nation. Please do better.
I hope that Kaitlyn learns from her behavior, and maybe I’ll come around in the future, but right now I’m still upset. More people should have been outraged, and I’m disappointed that people aren’t riding for Chelsea more than I’m seeing; however, I’m not surprised.
Here’s Chelsea telling her story on Bachelor Happy Hour, and it’s worth a listen. Let’s hope Kaitlyn watches until the end.
This Week in How Matt Made Y’all Mad
On the opposite end of the accountability spectrum, Bachelor fan spaces and podcasts were inundated with outrage over Matt James being present while a friend body shames Victoria (who is smaller than the average woman/myself included). Here’s the post in question for reference:
I’m not here to assign blame to Matt, because there’s enough of that dialogue out there. In fact, Matt being a bystander to someone else’s disgusting comments landed him on national television issuing a public apology.
Again, those comments his friend made are absolutely unacceptable; however, can anyone else see the clear discrepancy in the level of accountability in the aforementioned scandals? Matt has to go on national television to apologize for comments he didn’t even say and Kaitlyn only has to post on her disappearing Instagram stories and Chelsea has to publicly accept her apology? Make it make sense.
Amplify Some, Silence Others
Last but not least, this week more than ever, it felt like ABC, podcasts, and fan spaces were going out of their way to center white contestants in everything, which inspired my tweet:
The most egregious example of this was Anna and Victoria. The cold open showed us once again, who the episode was going to be about. The wonderful Black women over at 2 Black Girls, 1 Rose, said it best:
I cannot believe that Victoria and all of her nasty, privileged, entitled behavior gets rewarded by ABC with a Good Morning America appearance where she takes zero accountability for her behavior on the show, including snatching a crown off another contestant’s head and then tossing it on the table instead of handing it back to her.
Her behavior is vile and gross. I’m not linking to her interview or her social media, because she will not get any traffic from me. Neither will Anna. For now and forever, this is my opinion on the two of them:
I really want the show, these fan spaces, and all of the Bachelor Nation podcasts to do better. Black women deserve better. So for my final tips:
When it’s an issue affecting a specific group, like Black women, just say that. Woman of color is not a synonym for Black women; they aren’t interchangeable.
Don’t just listen to the Black voice that happens to agree with you. If a response to an issue makes you uncomfortable, it’s probably a sign that you have some work to do in that area.
Don’t co-opt posts specifically made to encourage Black women and then ask us to stand in solidarity with Victoria when she is being body shamed when you are silent about Kaitlyn attempting to profit off a Black woman’s hair journey (or any of the many instances of blatant and subtle mistreatment targeting Black women in Bachelor Nation).
Follow more Black creators in Bachelor Nation. Y'all have room for every other Bachelor Nation podcast. Following one Black voice isn’t enough. There’s room for ALL of us, and we have something to say.
Follow all of the contestants you stan. Everyone adores Chelsea, so let’s get her numbers up!
Finally, if something bothers you, SAY SOMETHING. Silence is violence.
Thanks for reading my newsletter and coming to My TED Talk. See you next week.
Ashley